The other day, someone suggested the idea that I dedicate a blog post to airlines, and airports in general. Being a grizzled veteran of air travel, I figured this should be easy enough.
Its hard to count how many times I've rode a plane, all I can tell you is that I've been riding planes ever since I was about a few months old. Why, why was I sentenced to this damnation I sometimes ask myself... You see, I hate riding airplanes, I hate airports, the words pilot, airline, fasten your seat belt, please return your seat to its upright position cause my stomach to churn. When I watch people on airplanes in a movie or something, I feel the need to run to the bathroom and grip the toilet seat an spew copious amounts of vomit until there is nothing left inside my body, yet I will continue to throw up somehow. As you can tell, I am not especially fond of airplanes nor anything they have to offer. Why then, do I find myself eternally bound to these hellish deathtraps?
Its 5 in the morning, and I've been asleep for about three hours. Every light, appliance, and sound- emitting machine in the house is on, at bull blast, due to the nature of the Egyptian race, we assume if something isn't done at the last second, surely something will go terribly wrong. After fighting for a chance to get into the bathroom (this is really my last chance, I wish they'd add bathrooms to airplanes................) I find myself carrying senseless amounts of baggage out to the car. By now, the air is a frigid, blood freezing cold, and trying to lug around awkwardly shaped bags stuffed with God knows what until the seams are screaming bloody murder and the zipper is a hair's breadth away from breaking free from the bag and turning into a deadly projectile sure to rip through anything it comes into contact with just adds to my irritation.
By now its around six thirty or later, lets assume the scheduled flight time is nine AM. Good, we have time, after all of the bags and people are finally crammed into the van, we start heading toward the airport, everyone still keeping his cool, hopefully people are starting to fall asleep again and everything seems peaceful. Until someone, most likely of the female sex screams wildly, causing the dark homes down the street to flicker on their lights. "I forgot my purse/makeup/some sort of superfluous accessory back at the house!!!!!!!!!!!" Immediately the car is filled with angry cries, accusations of mental illness towards everyone in the car, and general insults and words of distaste towards this entire trip, whatever it may be. After this nightmare is finished, we resume heading towards the airport, buy now the sun is bright, cars are filling the road, civilization is starting to appear, making the whole situation seem as less of a nightmare. No one wants to sleep anymore, instead everyone is jittery and looking forward to our destination, seeming without a care on their minds.
END OF CHAPTER ONE
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