More on why I hate emo/punk/metal/goth culture

I realized that a mere 500 words is not nearly sufficient to thoroughly explain my hatred and rationale behind said hatred of these individuals.

For starters, What purpose do these people serve? Absolutely NOTHING. Unless you count adding to the asshattery of the Kennedy halls during passing time, then they are utterly worthless. 100% of them, quote me on this, fail at school. Some of them might actually have a small shred of intelligence buried somewhere under their mass of dirty hair, but they never apply themselves. They'd rather sit at their desks blaring their slipknot shit or whatever they listen to until they go deaf at 30 because of lack of care for their bodies.

Now, by now, you must be thinking "Well I listen to genre X of music listed above, yet I don't consider myself like these people at all!!" The truth is, if you align yourself with these people at all, as in, you listen to their music, you are one of them. I don't care if you're a "death metal" fan as opposed to a "trash metal" fan. I haven't the slightest idea in hell what the difference is, and as far as I'm concerned, if you find someone wearing chained pants and fake blood all over their face cool, you are one of them yes.

Here is a quote from Maddox, the author of easily the Best Page in the Universe, someone who is with no doubt entitled to make blanket statements about people and everyone should accept them with no questions asked.

Gothics. When they're not getting their asses kicked, they're busy getting drunk and having sex with dead animals.

As you can clearly see, these people have some serious issues that need to be dealt with ASAP. Like I've stated before, they're just faking to get attention, that's all it is. There are other ways to deal with problems in your life. Doing drugs, burning churches, and inflicting physical pain on yourself is the coward way out in my opinion. These people need to wake up and realize that they aren't helping their situation at all doing what they're doing.

I think I've said all there is to say about these people and why they suck. Thanks for hearing me out.

Why I hate emo/punk/metal/goth music/culture

I hate metal music. I hate the culture. It makes me want to throw up I swear. I feel like VOMITING when I see black metal artists with black face paint and crap like that (seriously, I hope this thing burns in hell). I want to round them all up and tell them they all suck to their face. Knowing their insecurity will force them to all kill themselves, I will have singlehandedly, inadvertently killed this disgusting demographic entirely.

Just yesterday I was minding my own business, eating a burger with my friends for lunch. A gruesome chalk-white skinned, greasy black haired, 1,000 body pierce donning heap of flesh walked past me. The rancid smell following them had a density greater than that of the surrounding air, which caused it to linger around me for a good while. I couldn't hear my pulse skyrocketing in rage or my stomach churning in displeasure because of how loud their god-awful music was banging through their earbuds. Needless to say, I threw the damn burger away.

What's their deal anyway? What is it? Why are they always so upset about everything??? OH BOO HOO, MY BOYFRIEND OF THREE WEEKS DUMPED ME, MY LIFE IS TERRIBLE, NO ONE HAS GONE THROUGH THIS MUCH TRAUMA IN THEIR LIFE!! F*CK THE WORLD!!! /slitwrists. Give me a break. You're in high school. How much trauma could you have possibly have gone through? Your friend killed themselves? Sorry, millions of people die every year due to serious reasons such as: starvation, homicide, disease, etc. Your friend was probably an insecure, greasy, failure just like yourself. You're depressed? Go seek professional help you dumbass. Stop screaming into a mic thinking that people will somehow figure out what your problem is. I'm willing to bet all their lives that a good majority of all "depressed" emo kids are just faking to get attention.

Someone please explain to me, why they cut themselves. That's just something I'll never understand. Some people say its to get attention, well I still don't give two shits about them. Some say its because they're misunderstood. Hell yeah they are, all they do is scream and moan, they never say anything coherent. Whatever the hell case it may be, its disgusting, unacceptable, and should be grounds for admission to an asylum. I was watching scene with my grandparents who came over from Egypt to visit, in which a girl was running razors "down the lane" style down her arms, screaming and moaning in pain. I felt embarrassed to have my grandparents think that people like this exist in a place where I live. They had no idea how someone could possibly get that f*cked up.

The truth is, these people need to grow up. A good slap in the face would fix most of these problems. Their music needs to be legally outlawed in this country, and all the artists thrown in prison for the rest of their lives at having mislead such a large group of people. I mean, how can you honestly look at this guy, and not feel uncontrolled hatred and disgust?

Madden-ingly stupid

Nothing screams total noob gamer and vapid, mindless, sports buffoon who will never take anything out of wasting their life away in front of ESPN to me like someone who plays sports games. Any sports game at that. But I've devoted this post to discussing the worst culprit of them all, the Madden franchise.

I don't know what it is. I don't understand what the appeal is. Since around 2003, my friends have been buying the latest installment of Madden every time it comes out. Honestly, I'll be damned if I can tell the difference between any of them. They're buying the SAME, FIFTY DOLLAR PLUS VIDEO GAME YEAR AFTER YEAR. And once a predecessor comes out, they instantly shun the older editions until they've accumulated a stack knee high of Madden games which will never be played ever again because the teams in the game aren't up to date with what's happening in real life. WHO CARES.

No one cares if Brett Favre transferred teams. No one cares what the yards per game of Adrian Peterson is. No one could give less of a shit what the passes/completions ratio of Tom Brady is. By no one, I mean no one who has the mental capacity to realize that professional sports is arguably the biggest waste of time known to man. Yeah, I'll watch the Superbowl, only because I like getting together with my friends and eating ridiculous amounts of snacks and watch the hilarious commercials. Yeah I'll watch the World Cup, because it is easily the most important event of the year when it occurs and I happen to be from Egypt, a country that eats, lives, and sleeps soccer. But to think that I'd waste a solid three hours of my day, several times a week, to watch "the game" is outrageous. No I didn't see "the game" last night. Don't ever ask me that question. Don't make me assure my assumption that you're an idiot for watching "the game" yourself, let me just live in uncertainty.

I've never owned a replica sports jersy in my life, and never will. No, I'm not Michael Vick or Paul Pierce, why would I wear a shirt claiming that I am? They don't care about their fans, they make millions of dollars to play with a ball, you're an avid fan who will never meet these people yet idolize them for no apparent reason other than the fact that they can run fast. Here's a hint, if you get so aroused watching them play sports, why don't you get off your lazy ass and get better at the game yourself? As slim as the chance maybe, you might end up in a professional team yourself, with jersey's named after you. That'll never happen, because you aren't as good as them, and never will be, so you're damned either way.

God I hate professional sports/profesional sports games.

Attention: To all those whom have differing opinions than me....

I was recently informed from one of my caporegimes that the author of the lesser blog titled "Paintball Corner" has been taking shots at me and my honest opinions and even challenged me to a "blog war." I playfully accepted, knowing that he couldn't possibly say anything that was worthwhile or even hold my attention for more than a few seconds. But then, he stooped to a new level of asshattery. He wrote a post in which he explains how Braveheart is BETTER than "The Godfather." This was done in response to my earlier post of what movies that I hate. Now here is a blanket statement to all those whom have differing opinions than me: LOL I DONT CARE, ILL RUB IT IN YOUR FACE IF I WANT TO. Anyway, he challenged me, a motion which he will soon regret, as my faithful followers shall see.

Until we meet again...

Top Rap/ Hip Hop Groups

I'm out of ideas, I'n not gonna lie. So I decided to write an entry on the best Rap groups. You'd be surprised how many seemingly famous "solo" artists had their roots as humble group or duo members. I define a group as being three or more artists.

4)The Diplomats: This Harlem-based rap group was comprised of three main performers: Jim Jones, Juelz Santana, and Cam'ron. With the latter being the leader, they only released a couple of albums, but nevertheless, they left a huge dent and to this day, you can hear random rappers screaming their trademark slogan "Dipset!" at the beginning of their songs. The group broke up after discrepancies on royalty checks and what have you, which is really a loss, because both Jim Jones and Juelz Santana immediately started sucking. Cam'ron still has my respect, and for some reason, everyone blames him for the group's breakup, which is an asinine suggestion, seeing as he's still trying to bring the group back together. Even though the other two are refusing, thinking they are better off by themselves, a claim which is laughable.

3)G- Unit: Between 2000-2005, G- Unit was rap, hands down. G- Unit has become a pop culture icon that even people who never listened one of their songs still recognizes and respects. Known for their overly aggressive lyrics, they are, in my opinion, the most hated group amongst the music industry itself. Still, each one of its members had his roots as a fricking drug dealer in the streets of New York. I think that qualifies someone to talk about being a gangster, but that's just me. Many say they've been corrupted by all their money and what not, a claim which is not unfounded, but regardless, they still drop gangster rap songs that remain catchy and famous years down the road.

2)NWA: N*ggaz Wit Attitudes, the group that laid the foundation for this entire suggestive, explicit stereotype that rap today has. They had the audacity to make songs titled "F*ck the Police". That's pretty legit in my opinion. Few rappers these days would have the balls to do such a thing, even the notorious drug dealing "Rick Ross" who claims to get in gun fights with the police would get nervous even playing a song like this in public. The group didn't last long due to lots of internal problems, but they still left their mark and are respected by any and all rappers.

1)Geto Boys: This southern based rap group earns my number one spot because of many reasons. The group originated in the heart of Houston, TX, and consisted of a handful of no name artists, save for their unofficial leader and obvious MVP, Scarface. They were quickly shunned by the public for their overly aggressive lyrics, and explicit depictions of blood, gore, violence, etc. Their lifespan was short lived, as is with many groups that come under such attack from the public, but during their time, they made "gangster rappers" like Tupac Shakur and Jay Z lose sleep. They woke up the world to many subjects that people had conveniently seemed to forget about, such as the atrocities and unfairness that occurs in African American ghettos. These people were Civil Rights activists at heart you could tell, but what really captured my attention with them is their ability to rap. From their beats to each of their vocals, every single one of them killed it. Their prize album, The Resurrection is a must have for any casual rap fan, a classic album that they released after a short breakup.

The CPR of today's Hip Hop

I realized that most of the writing I've been doing about rap recently has been all bashing and complaining. So I decided to take a break from this method of self torture and take a moment to discuss the small group of decent albums that recently dropped.


Scarface's Emeritus: This is the final album by Scarface, making this his ninth studio album. It's a shame when a rapper like Scarface sells less than someone like T- Pain or Chris Brown. This album barely sold over 100,000. Scarface, honestly, has never dropped a bad album. This is no exception, from the hardcore, Southern beats that you can't help but rock your head to, to the cold- hearted, gritty lyrics that get you pumped up and begging to find someone looking at you funny so you can punch them in the mouth.


LL Cool J's Exit 13 : Again, this seals the deal for this rapper. Just like Scarface, this is LL's final album, making it his thirteenth. Just like the former I discussed, this one failed to sell. I don't understand exactly what is wrong with rap fans today. Exit 13 contains a fine mix of radio friendly material, and the hardcore Hip Hop that reminds LL fans of the Mama Said Knock You Out days.


Ice Cube's Raw Footage: I have to hand it to Ice Cube. Had he stopped rapping ten years ago, he still would have been revered for his earth- shattering title "Amerikkka's Most Wanted." Yet he still drops extremely controversial, right- wing Conservative men enraging raps that feature him puffing a fat ass marijuana blunt and giving the finger to the screen in the classic "I don't give a $#*@" personality that Ice Cube has.


G-Unit's Terminate on Sight: Just when I started to accept the fact that G-Unit's heyday was gone, this album barely saved them. A great album overall, definitely not of the caliber that their debut "Beg for Mercy" was, but nevertheless a keeper. Hella better than any of the other garbage out these days anyway.


Krs- One's Hip Hop Lives: Could a more fitting title be given to the rapper that considers himself, and not without good reason, the living, walking, breathing, manifestation of Hip Hop music? I think not. "The Teacher" Krs- One, better known as the last remnant of the hardcore Hip Hop scene of the early 80s, is still making classics, almost thirty years later. Do you think a rapper like Jibbs will be remembered thirty years from now? I hope he'll be dead.

It was haunting alright...

After we stormed out of Dragonball cursing in rage at this atrocity, it came to our attention that we still needed to watch a movie. The next option was to go somewhere and discuss how bad Dragonball was, which would have probably ended in someone getting arrested due to setting the movie theater on fire. The only other movie running at the time was Haunting in CT, which I had heard terrible reviews about it, but we said what the hell, the night's already been shot.

We walked in a little late, so this review is going to be kinda choppy, but, it'll save you the time and money of possibly ever watching this movie. The main jist of the movie is as follows: A family moves to this abandoned home somewhere in the depths of the woods, because its "close" (this place is literally in the middle of no where) to a certain hospital that the family's son needs to attend in order to cure his cancer. Well, turns out that the house was actually a funeral home before it became the abandoned pig sty that it was when they moved in. So naturally, there were creepy pictures all over the place, some spooky music, etc. When the family found out that they were living in a place like this, they did virtually nothing about it, and left their mentally unstable cancerous son living in the basement, right next to a locked door that no one could access. Right there I'm raising a red flag on whether or not anyone in this movie has a legally non- handicapped IQ. So the story goes on, the boy starts seeing things, he can't sleep at night. His mom cries whenever she sees him, his dad turns into a raging drunk, and the whole family starts failing.

More scary visions follow, and the boy starts talking with this reverend who understands what's going on. It turns out the place is haunted by the souls of the people whom where murdered in this house so the mad scientist who used to live there could operate on them. By the way, supposedly this movie is actually based on a true events, a claim which quickly appears to be BS as the movie progresses. So the reverend "cures" the boy from this haunting by taking a pile of human ashy remains that were lying in the house somewhere that were supposedly making the place haunted. Turns out, those ashes were actually what was keeping the house safe from the ghosts and all he did was piss them off. So the boy lights the house on fire, and everything burns to the ground, but somehow he survives and is pulled out of the raging inferno at the last second.

The only thing I found haunting about this movie was that it was almost as bad as the one I had escaped from earlier. It was as if there were ghosts in the movie theather determined to make me sit through garbage movies until I succumbed and became a mindless, garbage movie fan like most others that were in the room at the time. While everyone was screaming and getting all teary eyed at the stupid "startle scare" scenes that kept on replaying, I was trying to stay awake so I didn't fall asleep and have nightmares about turning into said people. If there wasn't a semi- hot co star (and I use the term hot very loosely, as in barely scoring a 6/10), this movie would have been a total shut out.

.5/10.

Dragonball Evolution: The Worst of All Time

How is it possible, that the greatest show of all time, a show that should not have even ever been made into a live action movie unless over 500 million dollars were spent making the effects and all the props etc. How is it possible, that it be made into a movie which I rightfully have the power to grant it the tittle of the worst movie of all time? Last weekend, I gave this movie a chance, even though I had seen the previews and felt thoroughly disgusted, but I thought that it honestly couldn't be that bad.

Five minutes. That's all I saw from this movie. I feel insulted. I was sitting in a theater filled with people who were actually liking this movie. How? I couldn't understand. But then again, they never were, or will be on my level, so to them it was a nice movie. I don't know exactly where to begin with this train wreck. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that the greatest hero in any show, Goku, the man who wears nothing but the simplest of traditional Japanese clothing, not f*cking pair of faded jeans and a brand name Tee. What's more, the guy never went to school, he was just too badass, he spent all his days advancing his martial arts skills. What's more, he was never picked on, in the movie, they depicted him as a stupid little nerd who was picked on by everyone else at the high school. I couldn't take it anymore, at this point, they had to stop the movie and bring in an ambulance because I had started punching people in the face indiscriminately from how pissed off I was. Maybe that's not exactly how it went, but nevertheless I was ready to leave a few seconds past the opening credits.

I still don't understand why I wasn't called to write the script. In fact, I should have directed this movie, honestly, I would have led this movie to win every single Grammy, in every single category. The first movie to ever accomplish something like that. Instead this movie will fail miserably at the Box Office, be forgotten and the DVDs will gather dust on Wall Mart shelves and Dragonball Z's reputation will forever be tarnished. A great injustice has been committed. The punishment should be severe. I'm willing to bet that most of the actors in the movie itself haven't ever even watched a single episode of Dragonball Z. Honestly? They would stoop that low? Why? Why did they shoot a bullet through the dignity of Dragonball Z like that? Was it necessary to disrespect all the fans like that?

Worst movie of all time, no questions asked. I have to go do something less painful, like pry my fingernails out with a staple remover.

Dragonball: The Greatest of All Time

Ladies and gentlemen, I only recently noticed that I have committed a heinous crime, a very heinous crime. Throughout this entire forsaken blog, I have not once mentioned to my fellow reader(s?) about my connection with the greatest show of all time, Dragonball Z. Ladies and gentlemen, if only you knew how much this show meant to me when I was a kid. I proudly declare myself the all knower of EVERY SINGLE THING Dragonball related, I am the supreme holder of this title. And everyone who knew anything about Dragonball Z knew it.

Back in early grade school, if anyone had a question about the show, it was me who they came to. I would sit on my throne in the swing set, while humble, DBZ rookies would come and question me about the show, or wish to debate me. I would cause them all to leave with sore behinds due to the sheer severity of the shaftation they received. One particular day, a big, hairy (this guy was in fifth grade and he had facial hair), smelly boy came to me and challenged my supreme knowledge of the show. Approaching me with his entourage of fifth grade bullies, they pushed everyone aside as I sat calmly under the shade of the trees in the field, as I usually did during recess in between bouts of mock Dragonball Z fighting with all of my other friends. With a loud, defiant tone, the guy asked me if I could thoroughly explain to him the dialogue two particular characters had in one specific episode. Thinking that he had one, he started guffawing with all his henchmen who followed suit. I slowly chuckled a proclaimed, "those characters weren't even in that episode son, here's what really happened..."

You see people, while most other little kids during elementary school were busy playing with barbie dolls and watching god awful shows like Teletubbies, Barney, and whatever hell else people that age watched, I was an infinite number of steps ahead of them, watching Dragonball Z. A show filled to bursting limit with violence, gore, profanity, and other vices that people only started watching many, many years later. There were even episodes that weren't allowed to be released in the United States, due to sheer amounts of suggestive information, that I would watch, IN JAPANESE, on the computer.

No matter how many examples I bring up people, I will never to justice to myself in explaining exactly how much I loved this show. I vividly remember owning Dragonball Z toys, clothes, underwear, video games, hats, shoes, sunglasses, lunchboxes, entire DVD box sets, the works people. If it was Dragonball related, I owned it. No questions asked. Every single Dragonball related website on the internet, I knew, and posted on. So why am I bringing all of this up you might ask? Because the other day I rounded up my old school Dragonball friends, and we went and saw the movie, Dragonball: Evolution. A movie which I have proclaimed the worst of all time.

More movies that I hate

3. Matrix Reloaded/Revolutions. Honestly, I can't differentiate between these two movies at all. They all seem like one massive blur to me. The only scene I remember from any of these two movies is the obnoxious love scene in Reloaded. Everything else is literally one massive conglomeration of stupid meaningless dialogue and repetitive action sequences. I had more fun writing this review than I did watching the actual movies, and I'm extremely angry right now, at having to even remember those two atrocities. 3/10.

4. Harry Potter Series. Now, when I was a lot younger, I was quite a fan of the book series, as was everyone else my age, so long as they had the required intelligence level to actually read the books and understand what was going on. When I first heard the books were being made into movies, I went crazy happy. I left the movies with a gloomy outlook on life. If I ever have to hear that annoying theme music ever again, I may have to be forced into a straightjacket and thrown into a padded room. Again, the movies are too long. It seems as if every terrible movie decides to draw itself out as long as possible in a hopeless attempt to make the audience forget how terrible it actually was. It actually worked on some people. These movies are actually a hit for some reason, and I hear they're working on the sixth installment. I also hear that its going to be so long, that they've partitioned the movie into two different parts. That's a new level of stupid right there. I've read the sixth book, its SHORTER than the preceding one, how can the movie possibly be longer??? 2.5/10.

5. Titanic. I have never seen this movie, so I really don't have the right to write a lengthy hate- filled review on why I despise this movie, but its my blog and not yours haha. I hate this movie like none other. I think it might actually be LONGER than Braveheart when it comes to run time, but should I ever have the extreme misfortune of having to sit through this movie, and feel the need to get up and take a break, I would not unpause the movie, therefore making it seem shorter than Braveheart. All I understand about this movie is that its a massive love story. From the start, that doesn't spark an atomic sized shred of interest within me. I remember once I was at a friend's house, and I was flipping channels mindlessly and I happened to flip over the Titanc. Immediately, his obnoxious sister started jumping up and down screaming, "oh my God its the titanic, the TITANIC, bring it back NOW!!!!!" So I flip back to the movie, and watch for several seconds as a couple stand on the deck of a massive ship staring at each other, saying nothing, with the sun setting in the background. Immediately, my friend's sister's eyes swelled with tears, for reasons I still can't understand, and I changed the channel before I got too disgusted and threw the TV out of the window. 0/10.

Movies that I hate

I don't consider myself some over hyped, movie critic working for some literary magazine or something, getting paid too much to write reviews on movies that consist of single word statements such as, "Powerful," or, "Inspirational." I don't buy all of that. I go see a movie, then I like to spit it how it is, if it sucks, I'll tell you WHY it sucks.

1. Braveheart. I hate this movie. I hate people who like this movie too much. This movie also happens to be the longest movie of all time, with a running time of approximately eleven hours. Its actually a little less, but you will undoubtedly have to take breaks and go do something less painful, such as having a group shower with your toaster or something to that effect. People have a lot of arguments about why they think this movie doesn't suck. I've even meet someone with the audacity to rank this movie amongst his top three. TOP THREE. His only argument was that it won best picture that year. Seriously? Best Picture? Doesn't that award get passed out to a movie EVERY SINGLE YEAR? As in, if you were to rank movies on whether or not they won Best Picture, it would be in the top eighty movies or so? That's a lot different than the top three. Another thing that really pisses me off about this movie is all of the fighting scenes. I hate it when the camera starting moving wildly, making it near impossible to have the slightest idea what's actually happening. Ditch this movie. 2/10.

2. Star Wars Episode I, II. This might possibly be the biggest Hollywood scandal of all time in my opinion. So you're telling me, the most notorious, diabolical villain of all time, had his roots as a little nerd building ugly robots and entangled in arguably the most painful love scenes to ever plague American cinema? HELL NAW. First off, any scene that includes both Padme and Anakin for more than five seconds by themselves should be taken out. Completely. Replace those scenes with random space dogfights, anything, but honestly, those scenes pissed me off. And, I'm probably not the first one to bring this up, but was the train wreck known as Jar Jar Binks, really necessary? Why was this even implemented. Did George Lucas even once think about what he was doing to his old school fans? These movies are terrible. 1.5/10.

I hate McDonald's

It recently came to my attention that McDonald's is still open in the United States. After I was pulled off the guy who said that, for I had been beating them up for merely suggesting such a gruesome thought, I was told that it was true: McDonald's is still serving millions of people a day.

Let me explain something for those whom may be a little confused. Last year, it came to my attention that I was being served food at school that was quite possibly a step down from food that prison inmates receive. I felt quite irritated, and demanded that I find a new place to eat for lunch. Being a Sophomore, I wasn't allowed to leave school campus for lunch, shoving that silly little technicality out of the way, I asked my friend if he wanted to go out to eat somewhere for lunch that day. Naturally, the first place that came to our American, mind washed minds, was McDonald's.

So we went. And we liked it. So we went again, and again, and again. This McDonald's binge lasted for what I think was roughly three weeks. Every, single, day, we would drive to McDonald's for lunch. We fell victims to this corporate monger, we became attached to the smell of barbecue sauce and McChickens on a bun. I would watch with sheer lust and longing, as the employees would toss those golden sticks up and down in the pool of boiling grease, sprinkle obnoxious amounts of salt on them, and shovel generous portions into little red pockets, emblazoned with the notorious "M" that came to me sometimes when I slept. And all it took to rightfully own these precious foodstuffs was a little scavenging in the bottom of my car, where I was sure to find enough dimes and nickels to exchange for this medium sized bag of ecstasy.

Soon enough though, we started to tire of the same old routine, so we started being more liberal in our meal selections. Sometimes going for the fish, the occasional shake, and very rarely, the salad. Okay so the last one was a joke, but really, we started getting seriously dissatisfied with eating the same thing over and over again, but we still went there anyway. Why? I don't know. I honestly don't know what it was that made us return every day, even though we were sick of the place. But soon it started turning into a little more than than mere distaste, I started hating the place. The sound of "Double cheese, medium fries, apple pie" was almost less tolerable than listening to thrash metal.

BUT WE STILL WENT. Eventually though, the end of the school year caught up to us, and we were forced to take a break. Over this experience I have learned many things. Such as: eating McDonald's gives you mad diarrhea, increased pulse rate, sweaty armpits, a crusty, overworked heart, and an overall sense of extreme discomfort. For a while I couldn't make the connection, I didn't know what/span> it was that brought about these symptoms, until one (1) weekend day I skipped out on my dosage, and all my symptoms went away. Then I realized what a terrible mistake we had been making, and I vowed to never eat McDonald's again. Of course this vow has been broken, but every time I break it, I am very quickly reminded why I stopped eating there...

how to be lazy:

This week has been a drag. Its still Wednesday, and I don't think I can make it to the end of the week with my sanity still intact. The sheer thought of not doing anything productive or worthwhile seems more than inviting right now. I'd rather be caught watching an episode of "The Real World" than start studying for my impeding Pre Calculus test that I have tomorrow, which will more than likely hand my ass back to me. Just having to move my fingers across teh keyboard is a pain. I know a misspelled a word a little bit ago, but I'm too lazy to reach for the backspace key to fix it. I'm also quite thirsty for some Mountain Dew, and in dire need of some nourishment, in the form of beef jerky. But I'm too lazy to go down and grab it. Even though the can of Dew is literally an arm's reach an a half away from me. So I've written a small guide on exactly how to be lazy, and what not to do when lazy, for all those whom wish to share my feelings of lack of productivity and morbid procrastination.

No No's:
1. Never reach for anything that's more than arm's reach away. Even if you have to lean over slightly, don't do it. You might seriously injure your back attempting such an obscene stunt.

2. Never settle for a parking spot more than ten parking spots away from your destination. If you have to shop for a spot for fifteen minutes in the lot until something clears up, go for it. Nothing is worth walking in the freezing cold morning air for, ESPECIALLY not school.

3. NEVER, EVER, do something yourself when you can have someone else do it. If you drop your pencil in class accidentally, wait, even if it takes five whole minutes, until someone thinks you can't reach it and picks it up for you.

4. Tying in to number three, never do anything for someone unless you're getting direct compensation for it. Unless they're someone who commands more power than you, in which case make a big deal out of it and make it obvious you are quite displeased with what's going on. And by direct compensation, I mean something tangible, and right NOW.

5. If you can't think of something to write, much like myself right now, move on. Don't waste precious time working when you can spend it reclining on a couch gazing at a TV screen.

What to do instead:
1. Instead of reading a thick, heavy textbook filled with superfluous information on topics no one will ever discuss outside of their respective classroom, browse Facebook for a solid two hours.

2. If you ever feel bored of being lazy, try the hand on the hot stove method. Go and attempt some work (placing hand on hot stove out of curiosity), and realize it really isn't all its cracked up to be (sizzling your skin off).

3. Stuck in Physics with a thick, multi- dozen page packet filled with problems only someone without a cellphone would have the sheer attention span to do? Pull out your cellphone and make pointless texts like "Hey whts up?" to people sitting a few rows next to you.

4. If texting doesn't work, because the respondent it too busy being too lazy to reach into their pocket and grab their phone, pull out your graphing calculator, have someone brush off the dust for you (ask if they want to play it a little, after they brush the dust off, pretend that you suddenly need it for a problem) and play Tetris.

Well there you go folks, a quick piece of advice from none other than the guy who managed to pass an entire year of Chemistry with a B+ average without once opening the textbook, and still thirsty for some Dew but I can't drink it because I don't want to reach over that far for it.

Too lazy to post a relevant/ witty picture/video.

T.I.:Road to "Redemption"

If you aren't aware(which I don't care to chastise you if you aren't, no one really cares anyway), the southern rapper T.I., is awaiting a year long (actually 366 day) jail sentence due to illegal weapon charges.

Now, this has been stirring up quite a buzz in the Hip Hop community, for reasons which I don't quite understand. This isn't the first time a rapper's been sent to jail during his career. Hell, DMX has been in and out of jail multiple times during his, and he's in jail right now as well. Its not the end of the world. What's more, he had the audacity to start a new MTV show called "Road to Redemption." I don't know exactly what its about (I don't watch MTV, or TV in general for that matter), but I've been told T.I. brings in seven teenagers to try and show them that they can live a life without crime. Awww.... that's so sweet right??? Too bad more than half of his songs are promoting drugs, violence, and the like. Seems a little hypocritical if you ask me. You can't pretend to be two different people like that. If you listen to the song "What You Know" by T.I., the song that won the Academy Award for Best Solo Rap Performance a couple years ago, he explicitly discusses his cocaine dealings on the streets. So how can he in good conscience, try and preach a more pure life, without all of this crime, to those who listen to his music?

I don't know the man's intentions, but to me, this sounds like a petty attempt at some more publicity before TIP is sent behind bars for a year. Because I honestly don't buy what this show is trying to sell. So in the commercial breaks, after just watching T.I. lecture these youngsters on how they should live their lives, I get to see a music video of him riding in a stolen car puffing on a marijuana blunt? No, this all sounds like cheap, corporate, bulls#!@ to me. I'm sick of all this garbage that's being mercilessly shoved down my throat wherever I look. Here's a statement released by those whom visited T.I. during his trial period, He felt that he was undergoing a karmic reckoning, a time when he would have to balance the scales of his life and integrate who he was with who he is. We've never seen someone so introspective, so smart about how who he was back in the slums of Atlanta is affecting who he is now." I have never seen more fabricated corporate garbage in one sentence.

Whoever watched this show and liked it, or took it to heart, needs to rethink their life and learn to not accept anything they see on TV. Particularly mTV, this is not a "real" channel, nor a place to get good advice. Need proof? Go to the links on the left side of this page and click on the best page in the universe. Look for the guy's post(s) on mTV and the type of people who watch it. I think it speaks for itself.

Righteous Kill: Severely Underrated

So I saw Righteous Kill for the first time a few days ago. You know, "one of the worst movies of 2008"? I couldn't believe it. Its been said that watching DeNiro and Pacino reading a notebook together would be fun to watch. Two of the greatest actors, what's not to like? The problem people had with this movie is that they were being extremely childish. If it isn't a Godfather II, Scarface quality movie, then its terrible. "What a waste of talent" seems to be a popular description of this movie. That's the most asinine thing I've ever heard in my life. Now everyone thinks they're a critic who works for some big name magazine or something, labeling Pacino's acting as supbar, and the story is predictable, and that the editing was bad. Again, who said that if it isn't a classic, then its automatically on the other side of the spectrum?

WARNING Spoilers below:

Righteous Kill is a crime drama starring DeNiro, Pacino, Curtis "50 Cent" Jackson, and Carla Gugino. DeNiro and Pacino are two grizzled, NYPD veterans who aren't ready to retire. After a criminal is left to run rampant in the streets, DeNiro takes it upon himself to get him behind bars. The movie than goes on a twist, where Pacino is a covert serial killer, killing corrupt criminals that managed to slip through the cracks of the courts. After murdering them at point blank range, he would leave a four line poem explaining the horrors these men have committed. DeNiro is not exactly the most beloved man in the force, and his coworkers are quick to label him as the killer. After many attempts to uncover his "righteous kills", he is found to be uninvolved in any of these, leaving the cops to believe that it might not have been him. But, throughout the entire movie, scenes would play were DeNiro was speaking to the camera, "confessing" to these crimes. At the end, the audience finds out that he was reading the personal diary of non other than his long time cop buddy, Pacino. Held at gunpoint, he was ordered to read these confessions into the camera and turn himself in. Pacino and DeNiro tangle for a little bit, which ultimately ends in Pacino getting shot.

SPOILERS OVER

While I don't think that this story is most riveting, the term "wasted talent" is just over the top. These two men still acted profoundly in this movie, the movie's storyline and plot itself was what led to its alleged demise. I don't think the DeNiro/ Pacino combo is easy to pull off, I think this movie pulled it off.

The Last Nail in the Coffin

In my previous post, I published a video of arguably the second worst song of all time, "Stanky Leg" by the GS Boys. Now, I don't know WHO the GS Boys even are, I don't know what "stanky" means, and I don't know why they have ATVs in the gym in their music video. All I know is when I heard this song for the first time, I had to stop before my blood pressure skyrocketed to obscenely unhealthy levels. Now that I can actually focus on the monitor I can get back to blogging about how much I hate this song.

The fact of the matter is, its not just this song. Rap these days is, in my opinion, a perfect fit to all of the negative stereotypes that people who don't like rap claim rap has. What I'm trying to say is today's rap is all about drugs, getting money, getting loose women at bars, and how big their car's rims and houses are. First of all, they all have the same things. So when eleven different rappers all talk about their watches, private jets, and seven course meals, it sounds they're all living in the same house together. Second of all, I wonder how people who are this one- sided and narrow minded actually manage to make good use of all their money and don't end up broke within months. Some do actually. But when all they spend their money on is one hundred grand necklaces and multiple walk in closets filled with shoes, its kind of hard to see them hanging on to their small fortune for a long time.

I don't know what brought about this abrupt change in Hip Hop music. I don't know what album it was that sparked this shift, or what song or whatever, but there was a time when these problems didn't exist. There was a time when rap consisted of real life stories and narratives, and songs with topics that were actually relevant to the time. Every rapper did it his or her own different way. They each had their own style, which is something today's artists are entirely lacking. Everything about a new album was exciting. From the back cover art to the intros and outros, everything was original. And when new artists came out, it took a while for them to get noticed, and they weren't appreciated until they released a song that people actually liked, unlike now where as long as a rapper who's already famous claims you're a good rapper, it automatically becomes fact.

That's another problem with rappers these days, well actually this is a problem with the entire community, the artists and the fans. It seems as if whenever a rapper makes any sort of claim, AUTOMATICALLY, without any second thoughts or nothing, the claim is taken as a fact. Some random Lil Wayne fan claimed that Wayne had an IQ of 140. And just like that, everyone believes that Lil Wayne has an IQ of 140. Its not worth my time trying to argue against this claim, but the point is, things like this happen all the time.

I consider myself a pretty well educated individual. Rappers back in the day catered to my sort of listeners. As time progresses, I feel as if the minimum level of intelligence required to understand what's going on in the song keeps going down and down. Until eventually its going to come to a point where the rappers themselves are going to feel ashamed of some of the lyrics they've created.

Every time a rap arist looks like he might be able to turn it around, he gets shot down and eventually forgotten. He gets disgusted as he realizes that if you aren't screaming gibberish and moving to some dry rehash of some odd dance move that may be hard to actually do, but still looks terrible, you aren't ever going to be appreciated or listened to. Its gotten to the point where I'm almost embarrassed to tell people that I like listening to rap. Either some drastic changes have to happen very, very soon, or every modern day rap artist is going to be charged with corruption of a minor's mind or whatever, because listening to songs like "Crank Dat" must have a negative effect on a human's mind.

SSSHHHH.... Don't Awaken the Beast

I'm taking a break from my short lived miniseries, because I feel the need to get back in the groove of discussing music, and right now seems like an excellent time to do that.

The beast I was talking about is the "Three Headed Monster", a trio of rappers, 50 Cent, Eminem, and Dr. Dre. These three powerhouses are set to release a TON of work this year. Debuting with Dr. Dre's long awaited album, Detox. Since sometime in 2004, Dre has been promoting this title, every now and then dropping a single or something, but for the most part its on the down low. To many a veteran rap follower, Detox has been patiently waited for for years now, and its the final hope for Hip Hop these days. With the amount of buzz and promotions Dre has been making for this album, if it has just one bad song on it, people will be pretty pissed off.

Along with working on this mysterious album, Dre has been producing a handful of other albums, including Eminem's Relapse, and Relapse 2. Many people thought Eminem was already retired, but he is far from done. With the highly successful single "Crack A Bottle," people are starting to remember the old Eminem that every loved and couldn't get enough of back in the day. Initially, he was set to release only one album, Relapse, but he realized he had too much work for one album and quite frankly, to this date Eminem hasn't had a single bad album, so I'm quite confident that both of these will be hits.

The third "head" in this trio, 50 Cent, is also set to release a couple of albums this year, both produced by Dre, titled Before I Self Destruct, and another one, which hasn't been titled yet. He's dropped a couple of singles for BISD, including "Get Up", and "I Get it in", both hits on the billboard charts. This album was supposed to be his last with the current record label he's on, but, just like Eminem, he decided to drop another one because of the amount of work he had.

I'm really anxious for this influx of kick ass music. FINALLY, FINALLY, a little break from the T- Pain, T- Wayne, Souljia Boy sh*t that makes me sick to my stomach whenever I have the displeasure of hearing it in my ears. I can't stress enough the magnitude of rap that's coming out this year, I honestly think Hip Hop is not dead yet, its almost dead, actually, it DID die, but only for a second until it was quickly shocked back to life with a few nice artists around these days, including Busta Rhymes, The Game, and Kanye West. But ever since around 2004-5, Hip Hop has been heading downhill too fast to reel it back. With the latest garbage single hitting the streets, "Stankly Legg," I hope that 50, Em, and Dre can find a way to save Hip Hop before it humiliates itself even further.


Yeah, Hip Hop is f*cking dead.