how to be lazy:

This week has been a drag. Its still Wednesday, and I don't think I can make it to the end of the week with my sanity still intact. The sheer thought of not doing anything productive or worthwhile seems more than inviting right now. I'd rather be caught watching an episode of "The Real World" than start studying for my impeding Pre Calculus test that I have tomorrow, which will more than likely hand my ass back to me. Just having to move my fingers across teh keyboard is a pain. I know a misspelled a word a little bit ago, but I'm too lazy to reach for the backspace key to fix it. I'm also quite thirsty for some Mountain Dew, and in dire need of some nourishment, in the form of beef jerky. But I'm too lazy to go down and grab it. Even though the can of Dew is literally an arm's reach an a half away from me. So I've written a small guide on exactly how to be lazy, and what not to do when lazy, for all those whom wish to share my feelings of lack of productivity and morbid procrastination.

No No's:
1. Never reach for anything that's more than arm's reach away. Even if you have to lean over slightly, don't do it. You might seriously injure your back attempting such an obscene stunt.

2. Never settle for a parking spot more than ten parking spots away from your destination. If you have to shop for a spot for fifteen minutes in the lot until something clears up, go for it. Nothing is worth walking in the freezing cold morning air for, ESPECIALLY not school.

3. NEVER, EVER, do something yourself when you can have someone else do it. If you drop your pencil in class accidentally, wait, even if it takes five whole minutes, until someone thinks you can't reach it and picks it up for you.

4. Tying in to number three, never do anything for someone unless you're getting direct compensation for it. Unless they're someone who commands more power than you, in which case make a big deal out of it and make it obvious you are quite displeased with what's going on. And by direct compensation, I mean something tangible, and right NOW.

5. If you can't think of something to write, much like myself right now, move on. Don't waste precious time working when you can spend it reclining on a couch gazing at a TV screen.

What to do instead:
1. Instead of reading a thick, heavy textbook filled with superfluous information on topics no one will ever discuss outside of their respective classroom, browse Facebook for a solid two hours.

2. If you ever feel bored of being lazy, try the hand on the hot stove method. Go and attempt some work (placing hand on hot stove out of curiosity), and realize it really isn't all its cracked up to be (sizzling your skin off).

3. Stuck in Physics with a thick, multi- dozen page packet filled with problems only someone without a cellphone would have the sheer attention span to do? Pull out your cellphone and make pointless texts like "Hey whts up?" to people sitting a few rows next to you.

4. If texting doesn't work, because the respondent it too busy being too lazy to reach into their pocket and grab their phone, pull out your graphing calculator, have someone brush off the dust for you (ask if they want to play it a little, after they brush the dust off, pretend that you suddenly need it for a problem) and play Tetris.

Well there you go folks, a quick piece of advice from none other than the guy who managed to pass an entire year of Chemistry with a B+ average without once opening the textbook, and still thirsty for some Dew but I can't drink it because I don't want to reach over that far for it.

Too lazy to post a relevant/ witty picture/video.